the most blessed man on earth

I'm sorry if this is copyrighted.  It's how I feel this evening.  All credit of title to the actual? most blessed man on earth.  I feel so privileged right now and it's not necessarily a totally positive thing even though by definition I think it should be.  

This post is going to contain God.  I'm feeling like living in the place I am, growing up in the place I did, and participating in the life that I live has been one of such privilege.  I'm typing on a gifted top of the line laptop.  I'm laying under a feather blanket and listening to some magical pianist.  But this doesn't even scratch the surface of where my privilege lies.  It lies in the fact that I can know God.  Let that sink in deep.   Think about the magnitude of that.  I deal with a lot of vectors in school and have to find the magnitude of them often.  The sum of the squares stuff.  This thought cannot be squared because it is already at infinity.  In the same way that eternity is unfathomable for us time constrained human beings this freedom is truly unknown to us.  Still, we are able to grasp at it, scratch the surface, and hold, even if for only a moment, the idea that God, a God, can be known by me.  What blew my mind today was that even though I am given the choice to know God, I do not throw myself one hundred percent at this opportunity.  Like a fat zoo lion who doesn't care to chase the other animals in the cage.  When it does chase the animal it still only does it for some simple entertainment.  Are we only chasing God for some simple entertainment?  

Sitting outside in the frozen land I live in I was struck by the beauty.  I was then struck by the cold and the thought that all those living in rainy places (The West Coast) think they would love snow.  Finally, I was struck by the thought that when we, who wish for warmth, finally achieve it, we fail to appreciate it.  All is unsatisfactory!  

The only thing that seems to bring about joy is purpose.  Broken down even further the only purpose that really seems to satisfy is the pursuit of knowing God.  This full circle argument though is far from complete and fool-proof.  As said earlier, even when the only pursuit worthwhile or good or satisfying or redemptive is to pursue God, we chase anything and everything else.  We finite beings are lost in an infinity of wandering.  Make the wander an adventure and maybe you'll find purpose to your path.

Something to eat

Snowflakes continue to lazily float down to our cold earth.  We're covered in a gentle blanket of white and left to trudge through the banks to the muddy, slushy, slippery roads.  My biking has taken an immediate halt and I don't see when the next time to get out and about on two wheels will come.  

With my continued decline of health or maybe just a lack of improvements I'm seriously contemplating doing some more radical diet changes.  There's a diet called the specific carbohydrate diet, scd, that focuses around eating only foods that are absorbed easily and completely so as to prevent the overgrowth of lower intestinal flora and fauna.  As well eating high good bacteria content foods like yoghurt or taking supplements is recommended.  I had a friend this last summer that also recommended I try a paleo diet where I would eat meat, seeds, and fruits and veggies.  Think cave man style menu.  Both of these diets and I'm sure many more have seemed to have helped a lot of people and I'm feeling a little helpless always waiting on the over burdened medical system and the next drug.  

Maybe tomorrow I'll try some recipes out and work towards setting myself up to be able to manage one of these big diets changes.  

Today I also wrote my last midterm which went as expected.  It was fairly easy with a few things I had no clue about thrown in.  I get lost in the details but stay on top of the linguistic concepts well.  It is a nice change to learn something about people and the world rather than machinery and science.  The vehicle in my group project successfully left the start zone which was a big bonus.  Here's to the next challenge, getting the thing to shoot.

This afternoon and evening were wonderfully relaxing and I feel able to take on tomorrow's slew of assignments!  

That didn't last long

Well, in all fairness I have been feeling Shitty!  Capitol S.  These last few days have been some of the narlyest ones.  My stomach has been more upset than ever it seems and then yesterday I got my first full blown migraine after being free from them for 10 months.  All good things must come to an end... I think there were some important factors, namely stress, that brought this dragons head back into the light.  Yesterday I was extremely stressed with my ongoing group project at school and as a result the scales tipped and I lapsed into pain, or more pain.  Yesterday I experienced two bouts of migraines, or a two series thing with a third happening early this morning.
The first one happened on friday morning at around 10:30 as I sat furiously manipulating my computer model so that I could hand the 3d schematic in on time.  My eyes turned into a blur and soon enough I was guessing where my mouse cursor was.  I stumbled my way through and then sent it off with some time to spare but then was feeling so down on life that I just hopped on my bike and went back home.  I took my medications and went to bed.
I woke up feeling much better.  I got some food in my stomach and headed back to school to complete my last electrical engineering lab I'll ever have to take, provided I pass that is.  (I didn't pass my midterm) That went okay but every one in the group was kind of feeling zombieish.  It helped us laugh because no one was wondering what was wrong with the other group members but it didn't help us finish the lab very quickly.  Oh well.
I got home and ate a quick plate of rice and hummus before I ran out the door to meet my friend.  We hung out all evening, walked around west edmonton mall, ate at Tony Romas (not recommended), and watched the new Thor movie.  I would have really enjoyed the movie except I started getting another onset of migraine aura so tried to close my eyes as I watched the movie.  Hard to do in something that is interesting.  Getting home was rather laborious because of the splitting headache.  I probably wasn't very nice company for my friend either.  I did make it home however and went promptly to bed.  Then this morning I woke up numerous times with another splitting headache developed.  I pressed the snooze button countless times and reprogrammed the alarm time an hour later until I couldn't avoid getting out of bed any longer.  Again I got some food in my stomach which made me feel a little better and headed out the door into winter wonderland.  By the time I met up with my friend and got to his house my head was feeling much better so I really can't complain.  I've found that my eyes have been pretty sensitive all day but not overly.  I did study my linguistics for two hours today which was exclusively on powerpoint.  I had a really fun time, played two games of bowling, a round of laser tag, and a game of pool.  Then the six of us headed back home and had some salmon, rice and veggies for dinner.  What another wonderful day spent with good people!  I am truly blessed no matter any potential downsides that I might single out.  Our outlook is so important to how we enjoy life.  Choose to look out to the good knowing that good is certainly coming!

Too much of a good thing!

It's day two of the return of the blog.  I was really close to forgetting all about this new resolve.  This afternoon I made Vegan Nog.  It was delicious.  I shared some with my roommate as we watched some anime show.  He also liked it.  Then I fried up some tofu, tossed some beans in the microwave, and ate that.  And then I ate the rest of the Nog.  It was so good.  And now, I'm not certain if it's coincidental, I feel awful.  I'm contemplating what specifically would make me feel sick.  I theoretically ate 1.5 teaspoons of nutmeg this afternoon which seems like a lot.  I also ate/drank 2/3 of a can of coconut milk.  Also seems like a lot.  Maybe It was just the NON-Gluten free rye crackers I was eating last week.  Whatever it was, I'm feeling worse than I have in a good long stretch.  But the intensity doesn't last too long fortunately.
Today I also decided on a very possible and seemingly fun lifestyle.  I will garden in the Summer and split the fall, spring and winter between sailing and making robots.  The robots will be gardening robots mostly.  To further my growing cause! (No pun intended) This robot development came about as I was biking home from school today.  At the end of the day I was soldering some electric parts of my group projects vehicle and was really enjoying it.  Not to mention everything worked and went smoothly.  What a treat it is to have smooth sailing.  I've given this more thought than just a 10 minute bike ride though.  It seems that as an engineer I should be trying to use some of the skills or expertise I'm gaining to help the world.  Robots have always intrigued me but I've never spent any time learning about them.  I'm thinking it would be really cool if I could make a company that made robots.  That seems like an engineering job I would be interested in.
I watched James Bond Casino Royale last night.  Man does he have a sexy boat at the end!  One day maybe.

My Dilemna

I think this blog might take a radical twist from what it once was.  It no longer serves to let you know what the Bekkers are doing but rather a Bekker.  It also has been quite a number of years since the last post.  The pheonix rises...
To work off my title I have a question to ponder.  Why does Jesus have to make no sense?  To me he makes so much sense.  I see him work in everyday life, I see what he has done, and I see the opportunity or hope he offers.  With all this evidence it seems like a given and yet I know for certain that it is not a given.  I don't want to throw around words like faith and grace because those seem to be made into a jargon of sorts.  I want to use words like encouraging or inspirational.  Why does Jesus not inspire and encourage in a holistic way.  Everyone can take comfort in some of his sayings or teachings but his total message of a new life and a new way of life don't jive.  Why????
I'm left tonight with the unsatisfactory answer that there is a battle going on.  It's not unsatisfactory because I don't like it or would like to believe it isn't happening but simply because I'm the kind of person who likes new ideas, new strategies, or new directions.  This is old, not wrong, but old.

On a similar note I'd like to say something about remembrance day.  I like remembrance day, I got a whole day off for free!  No guilt in skipping classes or wasting time.  My question pertaining to remembrance day is why do we have to continue in this old way of doing things too?  Can't we come up with something better.  I'm as much to blame as anyone else for not coming up with something but I'd sure like to.  Maybe by next year I'll have come up with some event or thought that promotes justice, equality, and compassion while still honouring, respecting and appreciating past sacrifices.  The reason I post this question on here is because there is a good chance one of the 7 billion people out there has already found the answer.  I just need to hear about it.

So since restarting this blog I'm also wondering how long it will last.  Short flight, long flight.  I'm thinking a week will be amazing while 10 days straight would be nothing short of a miracle.  If you want to bet me remember that any competitive edge gives me a world of advantage.